How to Have More Influence

“When someone feels that we are truly present with them, they naturally become more open, more trusting, more willing to shift. So the question is—are you controlling, or are you influencing?” – Duey Freeman

A lot of folks reach out to us wondering how they can have more influence in their work roles. Some are fresh grads just stepping out into the working world, and loath to do a job in which they feel like a voiceless cog in the machine. Sometimes, leaders or middle managers reach out to inquire about increasing their level of influence. We see it in all roles and across all sectors: people want to feel like they are making a difference at work. I like to remind people: everyone, in every seat, is a leader.

Of course, in any role we find ourselves in, we must discover and refine our creative agency, bringing our voice to situations where it’s needed. We cannot shrink or hide behind withholding and withdrawing. 

Sometimes, the desire for more influence has a desire for authority behind it. Some folks struggle with being led and want to be in the lead. I think this is an equally important line of inquiry for some: in what ways are my personal ambitions not being honored by this role in this organization? What shifts might I need to make to meet my own honest needs?  

Most of the time, influence boils down to this: we forget what it means to have good conversations and how understanding the art and science of conversations fosters better relational skills, which in turn impacts the influence one has in any interaction. 

In this conversation, I sat down with my colleague, Courtney Joyce, to talk about Influence. We talk about what influence is, what it is not, and how you can show up in your role to have more influence. 

In her article, How to Lead When It’s Not Your Call: The Art of Workplace Influence, she writes: “… from product leaders trying to influence an executive team to CEOs navigating boardroom dynamics. Many believe that influence comes from being the loudest voice in the room or simply playing office politics, but research tells us otherwise.” 

True influence isn’t about volume; it’s about trust, strategic insight, and understanding the system you’re operating in. 

Gestalt therapist, Duey Freeman, gives us another framing on influence: 

“Being influenced isn’t about weakness—it’s about deep presence. To be influenced means to listen, to see, to take in every piece of information possible. To let it move through us—not just in our mind, but in our gut. And here’s the paradox: The moment we allow ourselves to be influenced, we also become influential. Because real connection isn’t about control. It’s about relationship. When someone feels that we are truly present with them, they naturally become more open, more trusting, more willing to shift. So the question is—are you controlling, or are you influencing?”

Consider how you are in relationship on a good day. Or, recall a past conversation. Ask yourself: How were you listening? How well did you truly understand what was being said? What questions did you ask for clarity? How did you respond to the emotional components of the content? What did you reflect back or validate? In what ways did you challenge assumptions or facts? Where did curiosity lead you, and where did you shut down defensively? Were you reactive or responsive? How did you manage your triggers? How did you sort through any feelings that arose? How well are you able to read your audience? 

In what ways and in what areas do you feel you could improve? 

There are a lot of checkpoints in the short list of questions above that have nothing to do with speaking in volumes or with great volume. In fact, the skills that make you influential are the skills inherent with good leadership—presence, good listening, being curious.

Presence comes first and foremost from having space within ourselves for what’s arising. Most of us don’t have that in spades, and it shows in our leadership and in our conversations. From a place of openness and spaciousness within ourselves, we can find presence without being knocked off base, or being too filled with our own unsorted emotional and psychic weight that we have no bandwidth to be present for another. 

When we find presence and are able to come back to it when we drift out of presence, we’re able to hone the art of conversation—but not the chit-chat water-cooler-type conversation. When we are able to slow down in our transactional chatter enough to understand that the fundamental unit of work is a conversation, and that the art of speaking is the science of being heard, we can glimpse the impact we can have in a simple conversation. In a world filled with sound bites, posturing, and varying levels of self-awareness, it’s not an easy undertaking. It is, however, the keystone skill to build your leadership.