Reboot Podcast Episode #90 – The Fear of Being You – with Leonie Akhidenor

The Reboot podcast showcases the heart and soul, the wins and losses, the ups and downs of startup leadership. On the show, Entrepreneurs, CEO’s, and Startup Leaders discuss with Jerry Colonna the emotional and psychological challenges they face daily as leaders.

Episode 90 // September 6, 2018


Leonie Akhidenor

Leonie Akhidenor

Head of Residential Development for View Bank Homes

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Episode Description

As many leaders can attest, the harshest critics we face often come from within. Even when we feel confident in our work and our abilities, it’s not unusual for thoughts such as, “Am I doing enough?” to arise. Once our inner critic emerges, questions of guilt begin to creep in that we aren’t grinding nearly as long or as hard enough as those around us. As entrepreneurs, the challenge we face is discerning not only what triggers this internal voice, but recognizing what that voice, our Loyal Soldier, serves to protect.

On this episode of the Reboot Podcast, Leonie Akhidenor, Head of Residential Development for View Bank Homes, works with Jerry to explore the roots of her own inner critic, tracing the emergence of Leonie’s Loyal Soldier back to a childhood environment where achievement and success were deemed paramount. Uncovering that, as she grew, Leonie’s constant fear of failure manifested as her superpower, providing an abundance of passion and grit which served to propel her professional success. But as Jerry notes, all superpowers contain a shadow side, and in this instance, Leonie’s fear also brings with it the anxiety and unease that comes with feeling like she isn’t measuring up to her peers.

During their time together, Jerry touches on how the anxieties that we carry (and often our parents carry) are passed from generation to generation, and how the logic we used as a child and the survival techniques we developed may actually no longer be needed in our present situations, allowing us to recognize that we’re ok, just as we are.

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Show Highlights

Top Quotes:

“How do you feel satisfied about what you have achieved each day?” – Leonie Akhidenor

“What is the story you tell yourself?” – Jerry Colonna

“I anticipate this action, this outcome, so therefore, I have to hit that exact outcome or result.” – Leonie Akhidenor

“Most of the threats that we feel internally are really a threat to either our feelings toward our ability to love or be loved, or a feeling of safety, or a feeling of belonging.” – Jerry Colonna

“Notice and hold to the side a bit the degree to which you’re comparing yourself to others or comparing yourself to this other structure.” – Jerry Colonna

“The problem is that like a lot of conclusions that children come to, they make sense in the time in which they form that belief system. But then, the world evolves, we grow up and become much more complex and it actually no longer works.” – Jerry Colonna

“If you could live up to all of the expectations of that voice, what would your life be like?” – Jerry Colonna

“What did you worry about as a kid?” – Jerry Colonna

“I would succeed at school, academically and things like that so that dad would be proud.” – Leonie Akhidenor

“Am I developing fast enough? I’m I getting an A in vulnerability and authenticity?” – Jerry Colonna

“Buddha nature just basically boils down to this, we are fundamentally, inexorably, good. We are born that way.” – Jerry Colonna

“Maybe someday I’ll love me even if I fail.” – Jerry Colonna

“That voice is not the enemy, that voice is just misguided.” – Jerry Colonna

“That word ‘practice’ is a really powerful word because it is not something we achieve. It’s something that we do every day.” – Jerry Colonna

“I’m okay. Even on the days in which I’ve made mistakes, I’m okay.” – Jerry Colonna

“Many of the anxieties that we carry, that we have as parents, we pass on to our children.” – Jerry Colonna

“I mean, without realizing it, we implicitly take on board things that our parents have said in the way and the energies that they bring to certain things.” – Leonie Akhidenor

“You talk about the fear having been beneficial to your success and noting that it has a shadow side, which is that anxiety and unease.” – Jerry Colonna

“The work is really about loving what that voice has done for all of you in the family. And then allowing the possibility that you’re okay just as you are.” – Jerry Colonna